Down these mean streets a man must go, and if he’s carrying a modern camcorder, then it’s going to have USB 2.0, not FireWire. And that, in a nutshell, is why it’s farewell, my lovely, to FireWire - according to no less an authority than Steve Jobs.

There’s been plenty of outrage and despondency from would-be Apple MacBook buyers over the fact that the latest versions of the low-end laptops don’t have FireWire, the high-speed data transfer system invented by Apple and Sony that basically kicks USB’s bum (even USB2.0). It’s being taken out the back and getting an icepick in the neck.

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CUPERTINO, California — Steve Jobs announced new refreshes of the MacBook, MacBook Pro, and MacBook Air that will feature faster processors, better graphics, and a uniform design language of aluminum and glass. Jobs also unveiled a new 24-inch cinema display made especially to accompany Mac laptops. Here are the most important gems we gleaned from the announcement:

1. New MacBook Pros

* Starts at $1999.
* 2.4 GHz processor
* 15-inch 1440 x 900 glossy display.
* 0.95 inches thick, weighs is 5.5-pounds.
* Nvidia GeForce 9400m graphics card.

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That’s the slogan CNN chose for its citizen-journalism site, iReport.com, a place designed to tap into the citizen journalism craze. At iReport, any member of the public is allowed to post news reports, ostensibly as part of the cable network’s news operation, simply by providing an e-mail address. CNN and citizen journalism are being criticized after someone used the site on Friday to spread the false report that Apple CEO Steve Jobs had suffered a serious heart attack.

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Among the little-noticed aspects of Steve Job’s “big event” in San Francisco yesterday, Apple’s “greening” of the iPod line may have the most far-reaching effect on its business and on the technology industry in general. Electronics companies have been long derided by environmentalists for using toxic chemicals and materials and Jobs made a public promise to phase out PVC and BFRs from all of its products by the end of 2008.

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A thin and smiling Apple Inc Chief Executive Steve Jobs launched a much thinner, curved iPod nano music player and joked about the state of his much-discussed health on Tuesday.

But shares of Apple fell more than 4 percent after the presentation, which had no major surprises for investors, amid a broad decline in the stock market. Apple last week invited reporters to a music-related event, stoking expectations of new players. Some had hoped for new computers as well as iPods, but that did not happen.

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The Bloomberg financial newswire decided to update its 17-page Steve Jobs obituary today — and inadvertently published it in the process. Some investors were undoubtedly rattled to see, as our tipster did late this afternoon, the Apple CEO’s obit cross the wire and then suddenly disappear. Jobs’s battle with pancreatic cancer, and speculation over his health, jarred Wall Street earlier this year and continues to be the subject of speculation. The Times weighed in on the matter as recently as last month, when columnist Joe Nocera spoke with the secretive tech executive. But news organizations routinely prepare obituaries in advance, even for the healthy. And if Bloomberg readers had seen the internal story slug, “testjobs,” their jitters might have abated. The obit, which we’ve obtained and reprinted after the jump, is a bit macabre to read but should not scare you out of your Apple shares. (UPDATE: Bloomberg has “retracted” its obituary, and the retraction is also after the jump.) More interesting are the accompanying notes for Bloomberg reporters!

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Steve Jobs is still parking in handicapped spaces at Apple, according to a new snap posted to Flickr.

Snapper Rana Sobhany spotted Jobs’ Mercedes SL55 AMG parked in a handicapped spot at the Apple campus over the weekend.

“Mercedes? Check. No license plate? Check. Handicap spot? Yep, this is Steve Jobs’ car!!!” she writes.

Jobs, of course, has a long history of parking in handicapped parking spaces at Apple. The reports go back years, and have recently been documented on Flickr.

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My goodness I am so high it’s not funny. Apologies for all the confusion lately and much love to the many folks who have written in asking, Dude, what the hell is going on with the blog? There’s no big scandal or anything. It’s just I tried to add a new permission for “Real Dan” to post some items on the Fake Steve blog and somehow “Real Dan” gained admin privileges and Fake Steve appears to have been wiped out and is unable to log back in. Not sure if this is Google screwing with me or if it’s just the meds — I’m thinking it’s the latter. I’m so pumped full of chemicals right now that most of the time I can’t remember my own name. Iulia and Natasha are looking into the Blogger situation but at this point it probably doesn’t matter.

Just FYI, I’ll be launching a new site under my own name in the near future. Should be next week. I’ll announce it here as soon as it’s ready and provide a link. I hope you’ll come check it out.

Meanwhile I’ve compiled a “Greatest Hits” book for anyone who’d like a small keepsake of the FSJ blog. I did it using some Web site called Blurb. I made a huge version of this book for myself but it was way too expensive for regular civilians. So this morning I created a short version. It’s 120 pages long and costs $25. You can get more info by clicking on the box in the right sidebar.

Full Story

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Ok, everyone, put your fanboy caps on - it’s time to vote.

Steve Jobs is one of the people currently listed in Time Magazine’s online poll for the Top 100 ‘World’s Most Influential People’.

There’s just one problem - he’s only got a rating of 25 right now, while guys like Bill Gates have a 47, and Steve Ballmer has a 39.

STEVE BALLMER.

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I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

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